Life in Irvine.

Finally! A freaking University student… I have waited for this day for a long time. I promised myself that I would finish community college in 2 years, but that didn’t happen due to minor mistakes and a trip to paradise. Well, it’s all good, now I’m here, about to do some damage!

            Ever since I started school, majority of my time is spent on reading. The backyard (which has a swimming pool, a diving board, 2 tables, and a very creepy picture of a kindergartener girl in a cheerleading uniform in front of a dark forest) is my spot where I do most of my readings. Time to time, Derek joins me as we read together; with fresh cup of black coffee, smelling the aroma of the sweet French vanilla, listening to Adele, feeling the passion and emotion in her voice, all this while we hold each other’s dicks, mad bro time. Other times, my other roommates keep me company. It’s awesome living with these kids, couldn’t have asked better people to live with (thanks csong if your reading this). We surprisingly get along very well, with all so very different characters and personalities. I had the chance to have conversations with each one of them and I can say, I like the people who I live with. Continuing on, my current goal is to make myself more visible around the campus so sometimes I make an appearance in the gateway library. I have never been to a library by my own will but now I understand why people go there to study, it’s such a quiet environment where you actually want to read a book for once. Now that I’m in college, I have this incredible ambition. I would have easily skipped couple of my classes already and not have done the readings and homework but this time it’s different. This time I’m gonna put my noodles to work. This time, I’m doing everything by the rules.

            There are small moments that I enjoy within the campus. The first few days I rode my longboard to classes for the convenience of getting there quicker. What I realized was I been missing out on all these venders around campus which looked appealing to the eyes. And on top of that, I was limiting myself of checking out the gir… I mean uci’s finest students. It’s fun being around campus =] hahahahaha. Another thing I love about UCI is the bathrooms. I can eat off the toilet, it’s THAT clean. Also for some odd reason, UCI kids never make a visit to the bathroom, it’s always empty. So, every morning I find new bathrooms around the campus and mark my territory. Fiber pills couldn’t have been a better girlfriend than she is now. Of course, ARC (UCI gym) has to be the cherry on top. The facility has so much to offer. Although I only use the basketball court and the weight room, the place looks amazing. In classes, I tried to sit in the front of the class but lack of courage prohibited me from looking like a nerd. Instead, I managed to read all the materials and with the power of knowledge, I raised my hands to answer some questions. Because of my effort to show my interest and effort to succeed in the class, the professors memorized my name. I love the innocent smile the professors give me. It adds a fuel to my goal to succeed.        

But damn, there’s so many annoying things in classes too. One thing that pisses me off the most is computer usage inside the classrooms. It’s ridiculous how much these students take advantage of it. FACEBOOK FACEBOOK FACEBOOK, ALL DAY EVERYDAY. I see this kid refresh the home page at the rate of 5 seconds per click. The thing is, I can’t stop staring at his stupid facebook. I really want him to get some loving and get some notification but damn! No one shows him love =[ I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t get distracted but damn that kid pisses me off. Another thing that makes me irritated is some of these female’s fashion sense. I have seen a girl wear a fish net with tennis shoes and skirt. I also saw a girl wear short shorts with sandals in a pouring rain. And surprisingly, they were both Asians….. disgusting =/

            Overall, UCI experience is great. The roommates are very chill, house is awesome, and life as a student is challenging but still, it’s a great chance to get my act together. The view of college I have now is not only needing to do well, but wanting to do well. I hold this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I plan on turning it into gold.

Til next time, toodles. 

Blur

           Greetings, you are one of the handful of people that read this crap. I have no idea why you read my blog but I haven’t wrote one for a while and I don’t have much to do so here's what's going in my world.

           As you may all know, I was accepted to UC Irvine. This is one of the biggest news I got this year. The school itself only took 2.5 years for me to finish but it took me 4 years to transfer. During those 4 years, it was pretty stressful. Many doubted me. My parents thought my life's over because I didn't get into Harvard like his friend's sons and daughters. My friends “jokingly” asked me frequently, “how long are you gonna take?” which really means “i am doubting you'll get in any time soon”. Since so many people doubted me, I started to doubt myself which leads to what I want to talk about today. Let me lay this shit down here. There's a old saying, “if you play around shit, you'll eventually get shit on you”. When my dad told me this, I used to say “man don’t worry, I’ll wear a rain coat and boots or something” but like many other times, my dad was right again. I understand exactly what he tried to tell me. The meaning I was able to get out of this old saying is 'if you hangout with the wrong crowd, you're bound to become one of them'. Think about it, if you hangout with k town gang bangers, you ARE probably a k town gang banger. If you hangout with fobs, there's a high chance you are one of them. I had a talk with Joe the other day about this and I came to a conclusion that 'we need to hangout with more quality people'. Most likely, most of my old friends are currently not happy with me. I have not been hanging out with them, maybe even avoiding them. To them, it may seem like I'm an asshole who abandon their “homies” but to me, it's just life that's occurring. I need to keep moving forward and I don't need ANYTHING to slow me down. This might sound selfish to some of you but I would have to disagree. If you think about it, all the choices you make, well... you make them. There's going to be lots of people telling you what to do, but in the end you make the final decision. One day, I was just laying down on my bed, listening to sappy music under the moon light, faded, and I zoned out to a deep thought. “I am alone in this world.” So what I must do if figure out what's best for ME. Fuck... I just became an asshole. I used to get yelled at my parents because I was being stupidly nice to my friends and now look at me, thinking like an asshole and pretty much making a statement to ONLY look out for myself. I honestly don't even know what the hell is going on in my head. I have no idea what I just wrote but I need to clear my head. Fuck.... get your shit striaght benny boy, you don't have time for this shit.

Trippppppy

          My buddy Paul Kizzle was reminiscing about our teenage years by sharing his old posts from his xanga. I couldn't help but to check out mine as well (xanga.com/urfob). When I even begun to type in the web address, I got the chills. Urfob.... what was I thinking? Not to mention imfob, benxfob, fob4life.... so wrong. Moving on, as I was reading my unintellectual posts about my unimportant teenage life, I came across one trippy post. It seems like it was just one of those days when I had nothing to write about, trying my best to write anything to get some e props. The reason why I thought this post was trippy is because everything that I wrote about and hoped for happened in the last 3.5 years. Here's the post;

        "Monday, October 01, 2007

arctic monkeys - old yellow bricks, Kevin ha... u did it.. u got me into devil music... people, i am in desperate need in money, i need a fair job. pays well, easy working environment, something sitting down and talking or typing.. that would be nice. i realize after talking to pok that i need to be in Korea right now and have fun i have another person who's in korea right now and she's teaching in hak won and she's telling me that it's fun.. wow, korea in 4 years! that's where i'll be. dickee's having fun. that bastard. i gotta get out of my house!”

          I'll break it down one by one so you'll understand.

1. Kevin ha used to listen to indie music which I thought was the devil's music. I used to hate it because it sounded too weird. but it's all groovy now.
2. I got a job that's fair, good pay, friendly working environment, sitting down on a desk, and typing and talking. One of the best jobs I had, hands down.
3. You have no idea how much fun I had in Korea. good and bad.
4. I participated in a program called TaLK which is an after-school program to teach English to the kids in rural areas.
5. Lastly, I got out of my house. I N D E P E N D E N T u kno wat that means?

           It really trips me out that I'm actually fulfilling the things that I vaguely dreamed about and look forward to, I must be doing something right. 10 years from now, I'm going to come back to this post(the blog) and I want have the same feeling that I have now. I want to be married by then, have enough money to live very comfortably, have either bmw, audi, benz or maybe even something higher class, and I want to find a beautiful wife who I’ll be happy with for eternity. Maybe some kids, that I planned for, no unplanned children! I'll read you in 10 years, bigboi's blog.

toodles

Changes

          Only few months has passed but there are some changes made to my life style that occurred these past few months. With my short vocabularies and lack of proper grammar, it is hard to explain thoroughly how much my lifestyle has changed. But I will still attempt to do my best at it.

           First of all, I became independent. For the last 22 years of my life, I have been living under my parent's roof, consuming their foods, under their management, and also under their provision. Many of my friends really have no idea about my relationship with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them no matter what, and I know for a fact they love me, maybe little too much sometimes. But for last 22 years, I felt like I was enslaved to my parent's decisions and their way of life. There are so many restrictions against the things that I wanted to do. For example, I have never grew my hair longer than 2 months in my entire life because my mom thought I look like a hobo and so I was forced to cut my hair every month. You can look at this example in 2 different views; My mom probably wanted me to look neat and clean so when other people sees me, she can say, “hey, this is my son and he looks neat and clean.”. My perception is that I have to do exactly what she wants me to do no matter what it is. And this is just over a haircut, just imagine how many arguments I got in with my parents. The point is this. I wanted to create my own life, write my own book, and have my own choice to make my own decisions. And to do that, I must be my own man and first step I thought of is to move out. So far it's working out great. I love the place itself, very modern and way more active than before. I like the people I live with, the late night work-out and chit chat is one of the benefits of living there. There are also much going on in the hood. So overall, these are some good changes so far. I am actually proud of my self that I made the commitment to move out. Which leads me to my next change, responsibility.

           Living in L.A is great, but there are many consequences. First, lack of sleep. My sleeping schedule has moderately changed. I used to sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7:30. That's close to 8.5 hours. My new schedule on the other hand, I am sleeping around 12 or 1am and waking up at 6:30am. Which means I am getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a day. That's couple hours of reduction on my sleep. Couldn't really find a reason yet but I need to sleep earlier. I try so hard to wish that I didn't have work every morning but seems like that wish is not coming true for a while. The good thing is, everyone else wakes up around this time(except Kevin) for work, too. So it's not too difficult to work up early. Secondly, I am waking up an hour earlier now because of LA traffic. When I hit the road, it ain't too bad either. It takes me about 30mins to get to work, if I leave the apartment by 7:10. If I'm 10mins late, it would probably take 50min to 1 hour. Now compare that to 3min drive from my Gardena house to my work. It's just one of many benefits of living in LA. When I get to work, there real business begins. 

          The most change that effected my life style is due to my job. When I first started, I was mainly dealing with customer service. It was a minimal work, but a very high paying job. I announced to the world that I get paid to be on fb all day at work. As the times passed, I took charge of more duties and responsibilities. From a customer rep, I became something called a dispatcher. The simplest description of a dispatcher is baby-sitter. I have been designated to these drivers who are uneducated, unable to speak or write English, and very unintelligent. What I have to do is follow up with them constantly to make sure they're on a right track. I tell them what to pick up, what to drop off, where to go, where to go after, and if there are problems, I have to solve it for them. At the same time, I need to coordinate with the customers how the situations are going. If things always went according to plan, this job would never stress me out. Reality is, there's always problems. The reasons are because we can't predict and control the future and time no matter how hard we try. So in this case, I get yelled at from the customers because of these broken promises. So I yell at the drivers, explaining to them that because of their poor performance, I got yelled at. Then the drivers yell at me, saying how difficult it is to do their job. And so I call the customer, tell them the bad news, and get yelled at little more. After a while, I got used to being yelled at, it's very simple really, you just have to listen to them complain for couple minutes, and than you tell them you'll get back with them with any other updates. Majority of my stress comes from these drivers. I understand it's hard to drive to east coast, delivering people's household goods in this freezing temperature. But MAIN complaints of all customer is lack of communication from the drivers. Well that's never going to change cause well, they can only speak Korean or Spanish. So I have all these Korean drivers just because my Korean is better than my co-worker and he has all the Hispanic drivers. I really can't put this into words how much stress I get just thinking about work. Even if my hours are from 8am to 6pm, I get out of the office around 6:30 to 7pm anyways. If that's not good enough, I get calls from the drivers when I’m not on the clock. Even on weekends, I'm constantly on call. At the end of the day, I laugh about it with my boss. I'm living on a day to day basis. I never know how to day will go, how my boss is feeling, how many customers will be cussing me out in one day, but it's nothing I can't handle. Seems like I'm really maturing as the times are passing by. I can't recall exactly where I learned this from, but somebody said something along the lines of “you need to go through more shit to learn more” something like that. So you know what? Screw these stresses and what not, imma just seize the day. Karpe Diem baby!

actions speak louder than words.

          It's 2011 and I thought it is necessary to write something on this page where no one really reads except Vivian Lee. Fudge I hate her so much. Eff you lezbo.

           So, it's a new year. Everyone's talking about what their resolutions are, what their plans are, what they expect, blah blah. Whenever I see those statuses and goals, I can't help to laugh and pity them. The reason why I say this is because it's the same people saying same thing every year. These people are all talk and that's why I despise them. They can't seem to have self motivation to do whatever it is they want to do on their own. They need some kind of reason to keep persuading their goals, excuses like the new years and other big events. I'm not saying I'm not one of them. I am the douche bag who sets these kind of plans, goals, and expectations. Believe me, I think I said I want to lose 20 lbs for the last 5 years. I probably told myself I would do all these kind of things, which I end up forgetting about. I despise myself. I pity myself.

           So my new resolution is this; less talk, more action. We all know “talk is cheap” and I don’t want to represent myself as cheap, but rather rich(financially too =]). I believe that this is what separates from a boy to a man. When there's a problem, a boy would make up some kind of excuses to get out of trouble. But a man, he will keep his word and will take responsibility(actions) for his behaviors. I want to become a man in 2011. I know I’m not living a useless life, but I’m not living a great life either. Screw this lukewarm life! I want be scorching hot!

           On a physical aspect, there are 2 things I want to knock off the list. This should be no surprise but I want to lose weight again... After the San Francisco trip, I weighted at 185lbs. The plan is to get 170lbs by March. To do this, I am setting myself to continue going to the gym but maybe work a little harder. Also no more late night munchies, this is why I been at a same weight for couple months, because of these stupid munchies. You can do this benny boi.

Other physical resolution is cigarettes. I been putting it to a side for 4 years now and I finally realize it's actually bad for you... who knew? Couple weeks ago, I was playing basketball like every other Saturdays. At one point during the game, I had difficulty breathing. I had no idea what to do. My heartbeat increased, head got dizzy, vision got blurry, slurred words, chest felt compacted. I started to freak out, went into a full epiphany, and then I just sat down for couple minutes and then I continued to play. Couple days after, I was on my bed, getting ready to sleep. I started getting the same feeling. So, I meditated(yea I meditated to calm myself down from freaking out) and realized how pathetic I was being. So the plan is this. I am going to slowly cut down my consumption of cigarettes. I feel like going cold turkey will only increase my addiction. So we'll see how this goes... not too confident about this plan but I have to do this or I might die.

           Something new about this year is I set a theme for myself this year. The theme is simple, passion & logic. I lack passion and I know passion is a necessary element to achieve greatness. In my opinion, the difference between Kobe and Lebron is this; Kobe never loses sigh of his passion. It's in his head, his eyes, his vocabularies, his body is made out of passion. Because of his passion, he developed a love for the game. And now look at him, he's the greatest player to ever play the game. So passion is critical in my point of view. Logic. Ohhh how much of a fool I have been. Dictionary.com defines logic as “the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study”. The reason why I came up with this theme is because of my work. As a customer representative, I encounter many unsatisfied customers. Some of them have every right to be unhappy. Some of them are just morons. What these morons do, they try to argue by using feelings and emotions, which has no legitimate argument against me. It's kind of pathetic when I hear their voice. It doesn’t matter if it's in the contract, they just don’t care. They just want to yell at me, so I yell back at these morons, and at the end, they come crawling on their knees, apologizing and begging for a discount. So to not make a fool out of myself like these customers, I am setting myself to use logic this year instead of emotions. I'm going to use my noodles.

           Well I have so much more to say, but I'm guessing this is enough dosage of my horrible grammar for you all. This is my plan for the year, taking ACTION by using passion and logic. Please, criticize me. Of course not behind my back but to my face so I know what I’m doing wrong and you may feel more content at the fact that you helped me. Hope you have a great year also. Toodles 2010, wat dup 2011.