Damn, Shit just got REAL

Damn, shit just got real.

                I know I haven’t even come up to this blog to write anything because in a bad excuse, school took all the time I had. But today, I want to share a major event that happened which I probably won’t forget for the rest of my life. Ever since UCI happened, I was doing the same routine weekly. School, home, gym. Didn’t work because I didn’t want to, didn’t join any clubs because I felt too old, nor did I try to meet people by getting out of my comfort zone. And honestly, I was happy. I felt I had everything I needed. Loving parents, healthy brother, close friends I call weekly or texting stupid crap to each other, dope roommates, parents were happy I was going to UCI and handling my business, and my “hobbies” were pretty damn enjoyable. Not to sound like a douche/alcoholic or anything, but I drank and did a lot of stupid stuff. Every chance I get, I’ll waste my money at busby’s, yacking up everything in k-town, and shady house parties with 40 dudes and like 5 tomboyish girls. It might sound pathetic but I thought it was fun. The thing is, it was too enjoyable and that’s where the problem lies. I was having too much fun that I forgot to think reasonably… let’s be honest, you don’t either. I have wasted all my money, I have drove EVERYNIGHT I have drank… at least 10 miles… EVERYNIGHT and I’m not kidding when I say EVERYNIGHT. The fact that I can’t trust anyone to drive me, my logic was to trust MY own drunkass than other sober drivers. I had this conversation couple weeks ago with my roommate Eric, and yes, I told him “I HAVE NEVER GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT YET, I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE WHEN IM DRUNK, DRIVING IS LIKE NATURAL REFLEXES FOR ME”. It was a bit of an ego and a whole lot of empty confidence. At the time, I thought I was invincible. I didn’t care about all these stories about how people are paralyzed or got into an accident, or even passed away because of DUI. I just thought “I’m not one of them” “I’m a better driver” “I can handle my liquor”. Little did I know… I was able to learn that lesson the hard way this past Friday.
                Not gonna tell you in detail but I’ll just explain to you briefly. Because it’s spring break, my roommates and Joe decided to go to k town. After a night in k-town, getting involved in typical immature “k town boy pride” rumble where people just say “WHAT’s UP FOO!!! WHAT CHU SAY?! LET”S GO THEN LET”S GO!!! YOU TALKING SHIT FOO???”, I headed home with Joe. At the time, I felt fine, I wasn’t drunk, I was not even buzzed. The idiotic rumble pretty much made me sober and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I dropped off Joe, and preceded my way home to Irvine from Downey. What I didn’t realize was that I was driving 80 mph on the 5 freeway, not even paying attention to anything else but to be an actor in Tokyo Drift. From here on, my memories kinda get blurry. I see a car cutting me off from my left, so I immediately try to dodge him by making a hand right turn. But…. there was a car on the right side and we collided. As soon as we make an impact, I try to straighten out but I spin uncontrollably. Not knowing where I am, how the car is stopped, or who’s around me, my initial thoughts were to get out of the car and were not safe to say in the car. I literally crawl out of the car with blood all over my face and dragging my legs and unable to move it, all I see are faces asking me questions such as “you been in a car accident, try not to move, what’s your name? How old are you? Where are you coming from? Did you drink? & etc. I remember answering all my questions with “anyone else hurt? My right leg…. I can’t move my right leg….” Few moments after, I feel hands holding my neck in stable position, and a sweet angelic voice said “I’m an off-duty cop, we got you bro, don’t worry the ambulance is on its way.” immediately, he was testing if I was paralyzed or not…. Honestly, this was probably the scariest part of the night… as I feel his hands touching my fingertips, my toes, I felt the cold hands touching me. I broke out into tears, I KNEW I WASN’T PARALYZED! From then on, I was heavily drugged with oxygen much more probably and I woke up in the emergency room with my body tied up.
                 I laid there, completely still, blood all over my hands and face, dirt all over my hair and bed, and somehow completely naked under the covers with a ……. freaking tube inside my urethra (pee hole). I quickly realized what has happened and I silently cried for 30 mins…. Thinking about my parents, car, money, hospital, uncomfortable right leg and of course…. DUI….. the doctors come in and tells me I have been in an accident, I have dislocated my right leg which they have popped back in, and I had stiches on each of my eyebrows. They were waiting for a result to see if there was anything else wrong with my body. He said, “You’re lucky to be alive.” And I really was. The highway patrol comes few hours after to get some information. I learned that I have totaled both mine and the other party’s car, NO ONE in the other car was hurt (thank u Big Guy^), and the other car’s driver was arrested from DUI. I don’t know if I should feel relieved about that last thing I learned but I just took it as “I guess it’s not completely my fault”. So, I called my mom, told her what happened…. Pretty much stabbed her in the heart….. but the strong woman she is, she comforted me, told me everything is ok, as long as I was safe. She told me I was in a full coverage insurance which will cover both my car and the other party’s car, my health insurance will cover all the hospital fees for 100 bucks, and since it’s just dislocated, I should be up and moving in about 6 weeks. Also, there was no other damage done to the body except for the dislocation of my right hip and scars on my face. According to the highway patrol, looking at the scene he was expecting far more damage done to me and was surprise to hear the minimal injuries. I’m thankful I’m alive.
                What I want to share to you is not how it happened, or why it happened, but what did I learn from this? The nurse who was helping me out mention that “this will probably change the perspective on how you live from now” and she was right, it did change my perspective. I started to question the way I was living life. What do I treasure the most? What do I enjoy the most? Who do I want to call the most? Who’s gonna be impacted by this? What have I done with my life that I can proudly stand for? WHO AM I?! a;slkdfja;lskdfj I don’t think the words can explain these speedy neurons firing in my giant male brain(#anchorman, it’s science). I realized, I cannot live like this, no, I simply refuse to live like this! I realized there were many people counting on me to be a good boy. My dad still (after 48 hours from the accident) has not talked to me. I know he’s worried sick, and I know he’s dying to see how I’m doing. But I did mess up and I feel his pain. He knows I can take the pain too but Korean dads seem to have a weird way to teach their son a lesson. There are 2 people who have shown me unconditional love no matter how many countless reckless moves I have made and they’re my parents. They have led me to a good life but I rebelled against them to have less, less satisfying, unmoral, meaningless life. For what? Nothing. Obsoletely nothing. An immediately meaningless physical pleasure, the quick head change, and the pointless direction I’m heading towards, all these things I was doing…. It was too easy. It’s easy to waste money, it’s easy to take a shot today and face problems later, and it’s easier to stay in my comfortable zone. I wanted minimal change to this “meaningless life” I was living which I call “great”, “fun” life. But in reality, I wasn’t any different from those K-town thugs I make fun of all the time. If anything, at least they have fully committed themselves to that life style, I’m merely pretending to be “cool” or “hip” and it feels my immediate pleasure? Why? Where’s the accomplishment in that? What’s the gratification I’m getting? It just seems like I’m wasting my time here, I feel like I can bet doing something so much more.
                I don’t know if it’s the medication talking but I honestly didn’t see myself saying such a cliché shit. For real though, I don’t wanna be that guy no more. I no longer want to go to busby’s and have meaningless physical intimacy, I don’t wanna be putting my head down on a table full of green bottles, I don’t wanna encounter these ignorant Koreans who can’t stop showing how much pride they have, I don’t wanna be puking my brains out and regret why I drank so much. This is not who I am, I am so much better than this shit. From now on, I wanna be better than this. I WILL be better. Nothing short of a spectacular.
                I have a lot in mind. I’m still in process of trying to interpret this situation the best way possible. In concrete, I learned to never, ever do anything to get myself into trouble with the law and for the love of god, ben… stop making your parents worried =//// I know many of you were/will be disappointed of this situation and I sincerely apologize to let you all down. Like I said, I promise to improve.

To conclude this whiny, dramatic confession, I just simply ask for your concerns for the final result to determine if there will be any legal problems I may face. And please, don’t drink and drive?

 3/24/2012, never again bro

Life in Irvine.

Finally! A freaking University student… I have waited for this day for a long time. I promised myself that I would finish community college in 2 years, but that didn’t happen due to minor mistakes and a trip to paradise. Well, it’s all good, now I’m here, about to do some damage!

            Ever since I started school, majority of my time is spent on reading. The backyard (which has a swimming pool, a diving board, 2 tables, and a very creepy picture of a kindergartener girl in a cheerleading uniform in front of a dark forest) is my spot where I do most of my readings. Time to time, Derek joins me as we read together; with fresh cup of black coffee, smelling the aroma of the sweet French vanilla, listening to Adele, feeling the passion and emotion in her voice, all this while we hold each other’s dicks, mad bro time. Other times, my other roommates keep me company. It’s awesome living with these kids, couldn’t have asked better people to live with (thanks csong if your reading this). We surprisingly get along very well, with all so very different characters and personalities. I had the chance to have conversations with each one of them and I can say, I like the people who I live with. Continuing on, my current goal is to make myself more visible around the campus so sometimes I make an appearance in the gateway library. I have never been to a library by my own will but now I understand why people go there to study, it’s such a quiet environment where you actually want to read a book for once. Now that I’m in college, I have this incredible ambition. I would have easily skipped couple of my classes already and not have done the readings and homework but this time it’s different. This time I’m gonna put my noodles to work. This time, I’m doing everything by the rules.

            There are small moments that I enjoy within the campus. The first few days I rode my longboard to classes for the convenience of getting there quicker. What I realized was I been missing out on all these venders around campus which looked appealing to the eyes. And on top of that, I was limiting myself of checking out the gir… I mean uci’s finest students. It’s fun being around campus =] hahahahaha. Another thing I love about UCI is the bathrooms. I can eat off the toilet, it’s THAT clean. Also for some odd reason, UCI kids never make a visit to the bathroom, it’s always empty. So, every morning I find new bathrooms around the campus and mark my territory. Fiber pills couldn’t have been a better girlfriend than she is now. Of course, ARC (UCI gym) has to be the cherry on top. The facility has so much to offer. Although I only use the basketball court and the weight room, the place looks amazing. In classes, I tried to sit in the front of the class but lack of courage prohibited me from looking like a nerd. Instead, I managed to read all the materials and with the power of knowledge, I raised my hands to answer some questions. Because of my effort to show my interest and effort to succeed in the class, the professors memorized my name. I love the innocent smile the professors give me. It adds a fuel to my goal to succeed.        

But damn, there’s so many annoying things in classes too. One thing that pisses me off the most is computer usage inside the classrooms. It’s ridiculous how much these students take advantage of it. FACEBOOK FACEBOOK FACEBOOK, ALL DAY EVERYDAY. I see this kid refresh the home page at the rate of 5 seconds per click. The thing is, I can’t stop staring at his stupid facebook. I really want him to get some loving and get some notification but damn! No one shows him love =[ I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t get distracted but damn that kid pisses me off. Another thing that makes me irritated is some of these female’s fashion sense. I have seen a girl wear a fish net with tennis shoes and skirt. I also saw a girl wear short shorts with sandals in a pouring rain. And surprisingly, they were both Asians….. disgusting =/

            Overall, UCI experience is great. The roommates are very chill, house is awesome, and life as a student is challenging but still, it’s a great chance to get my act together. The view of college I have now is not only needing to do well, but wanting to do well. I hold this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I plan on turning it into gold.

Til next time, toodles. 

Blur

           Greetings, you are one of the handful of people that read this crap. I have no idea why you read my blog but I haven’t wrote one for a while and I don’t have much to do so here's what's going in my world.

           As you may all know, I was accepted to UC Irvine. This is one of the biggest news I got this year. The school itself only took 2.5 years for me to finish but it took me 4 years to transfer. During those 4 years, it was pretty stressful. Many doubted me. My parents thought my life's over because I didn't get into Harvard like his friend's sons and daughters. My friends “jokingly” asked me frequently, “how long are you gonna take?” which really means “i am doubting you'll get in any time soon”. Since so many people doubted me, I started to doubt myself which leads to what I want to talk about today. Let me lay this shit down here. There's a old saying, “if you play around shit, you'll eventually get shit on you”. When my dad told me this, I used to say “man don’t worry, I’ll wear a rain coat and boots or something” but like many other times, my dad was right again. I understand exactly what he tried to tell me. The meaning I was able to get out of this old saying is 'if you hangout with the wrong crowd, you're bound to become one of them'. Think about it, if you hangout with k town gang bangers, you ARE probably a k town gang banger. If you hangout with fobs, there's a high chance you are one of them. I had a talk with Joe the other day about this and I came to a conclusion that 'we need to hangout with more quality people'. Most likely, most of my old friends are currently not happy with me. I have not been hanging out with them, maybe even avoiding them. To them, it may seem like I'm an asshole who abandon their “homies” but to me, it's just life that's occurring. I need to keep moving forward and I don't need ANYTHING to slow me down. This might sound selfish to some of you but I would have to disagree. If you think about it, all the choices you make, well... you make them. There's going to be lots of people telling you what to do, but in the end you make the final decision. One day, I was just laying down on my bed, listening to sappy music under the moon light, faded, and I zoned out to a deep thought. “I am alone in this world.” So what I must do if figure out what's best for ME. Fuck... I just became an asshole. I used to get yelled at my parents because I was being stupidly nice to my friends and now look at me, thinking like an asshole and pretty much making a statement to ONLY look out for myself. I honestly don't even know what the hell is going on in my head. I have no idea what I just wrote but I need to clear my head. Fuck.... get your shit striaght benny boy, you don't have time for this shit.

Trippppppy

          My buddy Paul Kizzle was reminiscing about our teenage years by sharing his old posts from his xanga. I couldn't help but to check out mine as well (xanga.com/urfob). When I even begun to type in the web address, I got the chills. Urfob.... what was I thinking? Not to mention imfob, benxfob, fob4life.... so wrong. Moving on, as I was reading my unintellectual posts about my unimportant teenage life, I came across one trippy post. It seems like it was just one of those days when I had nothing to write about, trying my best to write anything to get some e props. The reason why I thought this post was trippy is because everything that I wrote about and hoped for happened in the last 3.5 years. Here's the post;

        "Monday, October 01, 2007

arctic monkeys - old yellow bricks, Kevin ha... u did it.. u got me into devil music... people, i am in desperate need in money, i need a fair job. pays well, easy working environment, something sitting down and talking or typing.. that would be nice. i realize after talking to pok that i need to be in Korea right now and have fun i have another person who's in korea right now and she's teaching in hak won and she's telling me that it's fun.. wow, korea in 4 years! that's where i'll be. dickee's having fun. that bastard. i gotta get out of my house!”

          I'll break it down one by one so you'll understand.

1. Kevin ha used to listen to indie music which I thought was the devil's music. I used to hate it because it sounded too weird. but it's all groovy now.
2. I got a job that's fair, good pay, friendly working environment, sitting down on a desk, and typing and talking. One of the best jobs I had, hands down.
3. You have no idea how much fun I had in Korea. good and bad.
4. I participated in a program called TaLK which is an after-school program to teach English to the kids in rural areas.
5. Lastly, I got out of my house. I N D E P E N D E N T u kno wat that means?

           It really trips me out that I'm actually fulfilling the things that I vaguely dreamed about and look forward to, I must be doing something right. 10 years from now, I'm going to come back to this post(the blog) and I want have the same feeling that I have now. I want to be married by then, have enough money to live very comfortably, have either bmw, audi, benz or maybe even something higher class, and I want to find a beautiful wife who I’ll be happy with for eternity. Maybe some kids, that I planned for, no unplanned children! I'll read you in 10 years, bigboi's blog.

toodles

Changes

          Only few months has passed but there are some changes made to my life style that occurred these past few months. With my short vocabularies and lack of proper grammar, it is hard to explain thoroughly how much my lifestyle has changed. But I will still attempt to do my best at it.

           First of all, I became independent. For the last 22 years of my life, I have been living under my parent's roof, consuming their foods, under their management, and also under their provision. Many of my friends really have no idea about my relationship with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them no matter what, and I know for a fact they love me, maybe little too much sometimes. But for last 22 years, I felt like I was enslaved to my parent's decisions and their way of life. There are so many restrictions against the things that I wanted to do. For example, I have never grew my hair longer than 2 months in my entire life because my mom thought I look like a hobo and so I was forced to cut my hair every month. You can look at this example in 2 different views; My mom probably wanted me to look neat and clean so when other people sees me, she can say, “hey, this is my son and he looks neat and clean.”. My perception is that I have to do exactly what she wants me to do no matter what it is. And this is just over a haircut, just imagine how many arguments I got in with my parents. The point is this. I wanted to create my own life, write my own book, and have my own choice to make my own decisions. And to do that, I must be my own man and first step I thought of is to move out. So far it's working out great. I love the place itself, very modern and way more active than before. I like the people I live with, the late night work-out and chit chat is one of the benefits of living there. There are also much going on in the hood. So overall, these are some good changes so far. I am actually proud of my self that I made the commitment to move out. Which leads me to my next change, responsibility.

           Living in L.A is great, but there are many consequences. First, lack of sleep. My sleeping schedule has moderately changed. I used to sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7:30. That's close to 8.5 hours. My new schedule on the other hand, I am sleeping around 12 or 1am and waking up at 6:30am. Which means I am getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a day. That's couple hours of reduction on my sleep. Couldn't really find a reason yet but I need to sleep earlier. I try so hard to wish that I didn't have work every morning but seems like that wish is not coming true for a while. The good thing is, everyone else wakes up around this time(except Kevin) for work, too. So it's not too difficult to work up early. Secondly, I am waking up an hour earlier now because of LA traffic. When I hit the road, it ain't too bad either. It takes me about 30mins to get to work, if I leave the apartment by 7:10. If I'm 10mins late, it would probably take 50min to 1 hour. Now compare that to 3min drive from my Gardena house to my work. It's just one of many benefits of living in LA. When I get to work, there real business begins. 

          The most change that effected my life style is due to my job. When I first started, I was mainly dealing with customer service. It was a minimal work, but a very high paying job. I announced to the world that I get paid to be on fb all day at work. As the times passed, I took charge of more duties and responsibilities. From a customer rep, I became something called a dispatcher. The simplest description of a dispatcher is baby-sitter. I have been designated to these drivers who are uneducated, unable to speak or write English, and very unintelligent. What I have to do is follow up with them constantly to make sure they're on a right track. I tell them what to pick up, what to drop off, where to go, where to go after, and if there are problems, I have to solve it for them. At the same time, I need to coordinate with the customers how the situations are going. If things always went according to plan, this job would never stress me out. Reality is, there's always problems. The reasons are because we can't predict and control the future and time no matter how hard we try. So in this case, I get yelled at from the customers because of these broken promises. So I yell at the drivers, explaining to them that because of their poor performance, I got yelled at. Then the drivers yell at me, saying how difficult it is to do their job. And so I call the customer, tell them the bad news, and get yelled at little more. After a while, I got used to being yelled at, it's very simple really, you just have to listen to them complain for couple minutes, and than you tell them you'll get back with them with any other updates. Majority of my stress comes from these drivers. I understand it's hard to drive to east coast, delivering people's household goods in this freezing temperature. But MAIN complaints of all customer is lack of communication from the drivers. Well that's never going to change cause well, they can only speak Korean or Spanish. So I have all these Korean drivers just because my Korean is better than my co-worker and he has all the Hispanic drivers. I really can't put this into words how much stress I get just thinking about work. Even if my hours are from 8am to 6pm, I get out of the office around 6:30 to 7pm anyways. If that's not good enough, I get calls from the drivers when I’m not on the clock. Even on weekends, I'm constantly on call. At the end of the day, I laugh about it with my boss. I'm living on a day to day basis. I never know how to day will go, how my boss is feeling, how many customers will be cussing me out in one day, but it's nothing I can't handle. Seems like I'm really maturing as the times are passing by. I can't recall exactly where I learned this from, but somebody said something along the lines of “you need to go through more shit to learn more” something like that. So you know what? Screw these stresses and what not, imma just seize the day. Karpe Diem baby!

actions speak louder than words.

          It's 2011 and I thought it is necessary to write something on this page where no one really reads except Vivian Lee. Fudge I hate her so much. Eff you lezbo.

           So, it's a new year. Everyone's talking about what their resolutions are, what their plans are, what they expect, blah blah. Whenever I see those statuses and goals, I can't help to laugh and pity them. The reason why I say this is because it's the same people saying same thing every year. These people are all talk and that's why I despise them. They can't seem to have self motivation to do whatever it is they want to do on their own. They need some kind of reason to keep persuading their goals, excuses like the new years and other big events. I'm not saying I'm not one of them. I am the douche bag who sets these kind of plans, goals, and expectations. Believe me, I think I said I want to lose 20 lbs for the last 5 years. I probably told myself I would do all these kind of things, which I end up forgetting about. I despise myself. I pity myself.

           So my new resolution is this; less talk, more action. We all know “talk is cheap” and I don’t want to represent myself as cheap, but rather rich(financially too =]). I believe that this is what separates from a boy to a man. When there's a problem, a boy would make up some kind of excuses to get out of trouble. But a man, he will keep his word and will take responsibility(actions) for his behaviors. I want to become a man in 2011. I know I’m not living a useless life, but I’m not living a great life either. Screw this lukewarm life! I want be scorching hot!

           On a physical aspect, there are 2 things I want to knock off the list. This should be no surprise but I want to lose weight again... After the San Francisco trip, I weighted at 185lbs. The plan is to get 170lbs by March. To do this, I am setting myself to continue going to the gym but maybe work a little harder. Also no more late night munchies, this is why I been at a same weight for couple months, because of these stupid munchies. You can do this benny boi.

Other physical resolution is cigarettes. I been putting it to a side for 4 years now and I finally realize it's actually bad for you... who knew? Couple weeks ago, I was playing basketball like every other Saturdays. At one point during the game, I had difficulty breathing. I had no idea what to do. My heartbeat increased, head got dizzy, vision got blurry, slurred words, chest felt compacted. I started to freak out, went into a full epiphany, and then I just sat down for couple minutes and then I continued to play. Couple days after, I was on my bed, getting ready to sleep. I started getting the same feeling. So, I meditated(yea I meditated to calm myself down from freaking out) and realized how pathetic I was being. So the plan is this. I am going to slowly cut down my consumption of cigarettes. I feel like going cold turkey will only increase my addiction. So we'll see how this goes... not too confident about this plan but I have to do this or I might die.

           Something new about this year is I set a theme for myself this year. The theme is simple, passion & logic. I lack passion and I know passion is a necessary element to achieve greatness. In my opinion, the difference between Kobe and Lebron is this; Kobe never loses sigh of his passion. It's in his head, his eyes, his vocabularies, his body is made out of passion. Because of his passion, he developed a love for the game. And now look at him, he's the greatest player to ever play the game. So passion is critical in my point of view. Logic. Ohhh how much of a fool I have been. Dictionary.com defines logic as “the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study”. The reason why I came up with this theme is because of my work. As a customer representative, I encounter many unsatisfied customers. Some of them have every right to be unhappy. Some of them are just morons. What these morons do, they try to argue by using feelings and emotions, which has no legitimate argument against me. It's kind of pathetic when I hear their voice. It doesn’t matter if it's in the contract, they just don’t care. They just want to yell at me, so I yell back at these morons, and at the end, they come crawling on their knees, apologizing and begging for a discount. So to not make a fool out of myself like these customers, I am setting myself to use logic this year instead of emotions. I'm going to use my noodles.

           Well I have so much more to say, but I'm guessing this is enough dosage of my horrible grammar for you all. This is my plan for the year, taking ACTION by using passion and logic. Please, criticize me. Of course not behind my back but to my face so I know what I’m doing wrong and you may feel more content at the fact that you helped me. Hope you have a great year also. Toodles 2010, wat dup 2011.

Good bye El Camino Community College and Year 2010

          I am trying to write this blog with an excruciating toothache. So much so that I have a headache that feels like Travis Barker's banging on my head with hammers. On a brighter note, I am officially done with Community College! I was able to get a B for my speech class with the least amount of work. What I can't believe is how fast last 4 months went by. It felt like yesterday I was complaining about how I had to take an extra class at El Camino. And turns out I didn't even have to take the class. What a semester fall 2010 has been for me. So now that I'm done with community college, I don't have school until fall 2011. The last time I did this, I happen to experience extraordinary things. So hopefully I have good experiences during the next 9 months.

           During the next 9 months, my plan is to work 8am to 6pm, Monday to Friday, getting paid at 650 a week( thanks boss), and do whatever I want during the weekends. On workdays, my plans is to continue going to the gym and lose 15lb by March. James and I made a bet to lose 15 lbs by March before we make a trip to Sin city. Since James and I are on a same number on the weight scale, we decided to see who would lose 15lb faster. But at the rate he's going, he's going to GAIN 15lbs. The bastard asked me to eat Jack in the Box after we played ball, 10 pm. So I'm looking forward to James buying me a fancy buffet at one of the casinos.

           I am also going to quit smoking cigarettes. I realize the consequences of smoking and I don't want this anymore. I can already feel the side effects such as loogies, hard time breathing, and coughing like I'm about to throw up blood. And also I think it's one of the worst habits one can have. Constantly smelling like smoke, brown teeth, cancerous, and making a river at a parking lot with 5 other guys. So, I order this product which is an oral spray that helps smokers kick the addiction. On top of that, I plan on getting an E-cigarettes which seems like a good investment to have during the time of kicking the old habit. So if your reading this, I need your support and encouragements.

           Regarding the transfer to UC, I am currently playing the waiting game. I should be getting acceptance/rejection letters at the end of March, so I'm looking forward to that. I can't say that I'm excited to transfer. It'll be cool to move out, live with friends, meet new people, live the university life, and all that but I just don't want to study anymore. School and I just don't get along. So we'll see if UC's will change my perspective on school or not.

           That's pretty much it. Since it's Christmas, I'll be nice and have few words for my loved ones. To family members, friends, or anyone else who is in my life, I want to thank you for whatever it is you have done because it's working. I am happy as who I am and I believe it wouldn't have happened without you. I could have been some serial killer, Hitler (damn I wish I was Hitler), or some fobby kid with long hair and fruity shirt but I'm not. So, thank you. I wish you the best for the holidays. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.