Changes

          Only few months has passed but there are some changes made to my life style that occurred these past few months. With my short vocabularies and lack of proper grammar, it is hard to explain thoroughly how much my lifestyle has changed. But I will still attempt to do my best at it.

           First of all, I became independent. For the last 22 years of my life, I have been living under my parent's roof, consuming their foods, under their management, and also under their provision. Many of my friends really have no idea about my relationship with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them no matter what, and I know for a fact they love me, maybe little too much sometimes. But for last 22 years, I felt like I was enslaved to my parent's decisions and their way of life. There are so many restrictions against the things that I wanted to do. For example, I have never grew my hair longer than 2 months in my entire life because my mom thought I look like a hobo and so I was forced to cut my hair every month. You can look at this example in 2 different views; My mom probably wanted me to look neat and clean so when other people sees me, she can say, “hey, this is my son and he looks neat and clean.”. My perception is that I have to do exactly what she wants me to do no matter what it is. And this is just over a haircut, just imagine how many arguments I got in with my parents. The point is this. I wanted to create my own life, write my own book, and have my own choice to make my own decisions. And to do that, I must be my own man and first step I thought of is to move out. So far it's working out great. I love the place itself, very modern and way more active than before. I like the people I live with, the late night work-out and chit chat is one of the benefits of living there. There are also much going on in the hood. So overall, these are some good changes so far. I am actually proud of my self that I made the commitment to move out. Which leads me to my next change, responsibility.

           Living in L.A is great, but there are many consequences. First, lack of sleep. My sleeping schedule has moderately changed. I used to sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7:30. That's close to 8.5 hours. My new schedule on the other hand, I am sleeping around 12 or 1am and waking up at 6:30am. Which means I am getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a day. That's couple hours of reduction on my sleep. Couldn't really find a reason yet but I need to sleep earlier. I try so hard to wish that I didn't have work every morning but seems like that wish is not coming true for a while. The good thing is, everyone else wakes up around this time(except Kevin) for work, too. So it's not too difficult to work up early. Secondly, I am waking up an hour earlier now because of LA traffic. When I hit the road, it ain't too bad either. It takes me about 30mins to get to work, if I leave the apartment by 7:10. If I'm 10mins late, it would probably take 50min to 1 hour. Now compare that to 3min drive from my Gardena house to my work. It's just one of many benefits of living in LA. When I get to work, there real business begins. 

          The most change that effected my life style is due to my job. When I first started, I was mainly dealing with customer service. It was a minimal work, but a very high paying job. I announced to the world that I get paid to be on fb all day at work. As the times passed, I took charge of more duties and responsibilities. From a customer rep, I became something called a dispatcher. The simplest description of a dispatcher is baby-sitter. I have been designated to these drivers who are uneducated, unable to speak or write English, and very unintelligent. What I have to do is follow up with them constantly to make sure they're on a right track. I tell them what to pick up, what to drop off, where to go, where to go after, and if there are problems, I have to solve it for them. At the same time, I need to coordinate with the customers how the situations are going. If things always went according to plan, this job would never stress me out. Reality is, there's always problems. The reasons are because we can't predict and control the future and time no matter how hard we try. So in this case, I get yelled at from the customers because of these broken promises. So I yell at the drivers, explaining to them that because of their poor performance, I got yelled at. Then the drivers yell at me, saying how difficult it is to do their job. And so I call the customer, tell them the bad news, and get yelled at little more. After a while, I got used to being yelled at, it's very simple really, you just have to listen to them complain for couple minutes, and than you tell them you'll get back with them with any other updates. Majority of my stress comes from these drivers. I understand it's hard to drive to east coast, delivering people's household goods in this freezing temperature. But MAIN complaints of all customer is lack of communication from the drivers. Well that's never going to change cause well, they can only speak Korean or Spanish. So I have all these Korean drivers just because my Korean is better than my co-worker and he has all the Hispanic drivers. I really can't put this into words how much stress I get just thinking about work. Even if my hours are from 8am to 6pm, I get out of the office around 6:30 to 7pm anyways. If that's not good enough, I get calls from the drivers when I’m not on the clock. Even on weekends, I'm constantly on call. At the end of the day, I laugh about it with my boss. I'm living on a day to day basis. I never know how to day will go, how my boss is feeling, how many customers will be cussing me out in one day, but it's nothing I can't handle. Seems like I'm really maturing as the times are passing by. I can't recall exactly where I learned this from, but somebody said something along the lines of “you need to go through more shit to learn more” something like that. So you know what? Screw these stresses and what not, imma just seize the day. Karpe Diem baby!

actions speak louder than words.

          It's 2011 and I thought it is necessary to write something on this page where no one really reads except Vivian Lee. Fudge I hate her so much. Eff you lezbo.

           So, it's a new year. Everyone's talking about what their resolutions are, what their plans are, what they expect, blah blah. Whenever I see those statuses and goals, I can't help to laugh and pity them. The reason why I say this is because it's the same people saying same thing every year. These people are all talk and that's why I despise them. They can't seem to have self motivation to do whatever it is they want to do on their own. They need some kind of reason to keep persuading their goals, excuses like the new years and other big events. I'm not saying I'm not one of them. I am the douche bag who sets these kind of plans, goals, and expectations. Believe me, I think I said I want to lose 20 lbs for the last 5 years. I probably told myself I would do all these kind of things, which I end up forgetting about. I despise myself. I pity myself.

           So my new resolution is this; less talk, more action. We all know “talk is cheap” and I don’t want to represent myself as cheap, but rather rich(financially too =]). I believe that this is what separates from a boy to a man. When there's a problem, a boy would make up some kind of excuses to get out of trouble. But a man, he will keep his word and will take responsibility(actions) for his behaviors. I want to become a man in 2011. I know I’m not living a useless life, but I’m not living a great life either. Screw this lukewarm life! I want be scorching hot!

           On a physical aspect, there are 2 things I want to knock off the list. This should be no surprise but I want to lose weight again... After the San Francisco trip, I weighted at 185lbs. The plan is to get 170lbs by March. To do this, I am setting myself to continue going to the gym but maybe work a little harder. Also no more late night munchies, this is why I been at a same weight for couple months, because of these stupid munchies. You can do this benny boi.

Other physical resolution is cigarettes. I been putting it to a side for 4 years now and I finally realize it's actually bad for you... who knew? Couple weeks ago, I was playing basketball like every other Saturdays. At one point during the game, I had difficulty breathing. I had no idea what to do. My heartbeat increased, head got dizzy, vision got blurry, slurred words, chest felt compacted. I started to freak out, went into a full epiphany, and then I just sat down for couple minutes and then I continued to play. Couple days after, I was on my bed, getting ready to sleep. I started getting the same feeling. So, I meditated(yea I meditated to calm myself down from freaking out) and realized how pathetic I was being. So the plan is this. I am going to slowly cut down my consumption of cigarettes. I feel like going cold turkey will only increase my addiction. So we'll see how this goes... not too confident about this plan but I have to do this or I might die.

           Something new about this year is I set a theme for myself this year. The theme is simple, passion & logic. I lack passion and I know passion is a necessary element to achieve greatness. In my opinion, the difference between Kobe and Lebron is this; Kobe never loses sigh of his passion. It's in his head, his eyes, his vocabularies, his body is made out of passion. Because of his passion, he developed a love for the game. And now look at him, he's the greatest player to ever play the game. So passion is critical in my point of view. Logic. Ohhh how much of a fool I have been. Dictionary.com defines logic as “the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study”. The reason why I came up with this theme is because of my work. As a customer representative, I encounter many unsatisfied customers. Some of them have every right to be unhappy. Some of them are just morons. What these morons do, they try to argue by using feelings and emotions, which has no legitimate argument against me. It's kind of pathetic when I hear their voice. It doesn’t matter if it's in the contract, they just don’t care. They just want to yell at me, so I yell back at these morons, and at the end, they come crawling on their knees, apologizing and begging for a discount. So to not make a fool out of myself like these customers, I am setting myself to use logic this year instead of emotions. I'm going to use my noodles.

           Well I have so much more to say, but I'm guessing this is enough dosage of my horrible grammar for you all. This is my plan for the year, taking ACTION by using passion and logic. Please, criticize me. Of course not behind my back but to my face so I know what I’m doing wrong and you may feel more content at the fact that you helped me. Hope you have a great year also. Toodles 2010, wat dup 2011.

Good bye El Camino Community College and Year 2010

          I am trying to write this blog with an excruciating toothache. So much so that I have a headache that feels like Travis Barker's banging on my head with hammers. On a brighter note, I am officially done with Community College! I was able to get a B for my speech class with the least amount of work. What I can't believe is how fast last 4 months went by. It felt like yesterday I was complaining about how I had to take an extra class at El Camino. And turns out I didn't even have to take the class. What a semester fall 2010 has been for me. So now that I'm done with community college, I don't have school until fall 2011. The last time I did this, I happen to experience extraordinary things. So hopefully I have good experiences during the next 9 months.

           During the next 9 months, my plan is to work 8am to 6pm, Monday to Friday, getting paid at 650 a week( thanks boss), and do whatever I want during the weekends. On workdays, my plans is to continue going to the gym and lose 15lb by March. James and I made a bet to lose 15 lbs by March before we make a trip to Sin city. Since James and I are on a same number on the weight scale, we decided to see who would lose 15lb faster. But at the rate he's going, he's going to GAIN 15lbs. The bastard asked me to eat Jack in the Box after we played ball, 10 pm. So I'm looking forward to James buying me a fancy buffet at one of the casinos.

           I am also going to quit smoking cigarettes. I realize the consequences of smoking and I don't want this anymore. I can already feel the side effects such as loogies, hard time breathing, and coughing like I'm about to throw up blood. And also I think it's one of the worst habits one can have. Constantly smelling like smoke, brown teeth, cancerous, and making a river at a parking lot with 5 other guys. So, I order this product which is an oral spray that helps smokers kick the addiction. On top of that, I plan on getting an E-cigarettes which seems like a good investment to have during the time of kicking the old habit. So if your reading this, I need your support and encouragements.

           Regarding the transfer to UC, I am currently playing the waiting game. I should be getting acceptance/rejection letters at the end of March, so I'm looking forward to that. I can't say that I'm excited to transfer. It'll be cool to move out, live with friends, meet new people, live the university life, and all that but I just don't want to study anymore. School and I just don't get along. So we'll see if UC's will change my perspective on school or not.

           That's pretty much it. Since it's Christmas, I'll be nice and have few words for my loved ones. To family members, friends, or anyone else who is in my life, I want to thank you for whatever it is you have done because it's working. I am happy as who I am and I believe it wouldn't have happened without you. I could have been some serial killer, Hitler (damn I wish I was Hitler), or some fobby kid with long hair and fruity shirt but I'm not. So, thank you. I wish you the best for the holidays. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

2 Uncounted Units…

Do you remember me telling you I was short 1 unit to meet the requirements to apply? How I could have sworn I had 61 units? And How I was going to go to a UC in Fall 2010 for sure?

             Well today, I decided to meet my counselor to discuss about my educational progress. I was hoping to get this appointment sometime before the UC application deadline but everything was booked as usual so I got this appointment today. I met him once before and we talked like we knew each other for at least 4 years. We talked about what’s been going on, how things were, what my plans are, etc. At one point, he started adding up all the units that are transferable to check as see how many units I had. Not including the class I’m currently taking, he came up with 61 units. I said, “Hmm that’s strange, I’m only taking this one class because I thought I was short 1 unit”. So we backtracked and found out, PE classes are considered UC transferable! And I had 2 of those! So if I have known this a year ago, I would probably be at a library, studying my ass off with both Kevin Ha and Vivian Lee, Robby, or some cute Jewish girl from Newport Beach. Bottom line, I should be in UC by now. But remember what I wrote last time, I have no regrets, just some mistakes I made.

             I also talked to my counselor about AA degree. Turns out, I have required units and classes to earn AA degree in social and behavioral science. Which I think is pretty fancy thing to have in a resume. When I was talking to my counselor, I felt like I accomplished a lot. He reassured me that I should have no problem getting into all the universities that I have applied. I don’t know if he is saying things I want to hear or he’s being honest, but I have a feeling I’ll be writing this blog in an UC library next year. Christmas is coming and this is the present I got from my counselor, reassurance. So, now I play the waiting game. Couple days after I applied to CSU, CSUDH already accepted me, telling me I’m Dominguez material. So cross your fingers, pray, sacrifice a first born, or do whatever it is necessary so that I get into a UC.

toddles

My Weekday Schedule in Korea

          Today I want to talk about what everyday was like when I was in Korea. During the weekdays, I had a set schedule that I did every single day. I realize how much I hated back then, yet I'm sitting here thinking how much fun it was. So here's my schedule.

           My day kind of went like this. Woke up at 9:30, got ready and took the bus at 10:20, transferred to another bus at 10:50, slept an hour in the bus, somehow woke up right when I go to my stop, and got to school by 12. When I got to school, these rascals outside started yelling out “ BEN TEACHER!!” and I casually waved, patted their head, or kicked them. Then I went straight to the principal's office, knocked twice, waited for the 5'1 male who kind of looks like my dad with serious authoritative look on his face to say “Yeesss??”, went in and bowed, and waited for his “Oh Mr. Ven, what ssuh?(you come in Korean) and I replied with modest smile and said, “Neh”, and then I exited the room. I then proceed to the teacher's lounge and I did the same for all the staffs including the vice principal.

           After all that, I went up to my class room, decorated by the least artistic person(me), called “English Town”. I was the sheriff in town. I went on the computer for 20mins, waited for my mentor teacher to call me and say “Ven~~ let's eat”, and I walked over to her classroom. We walked together to the cafeteria and all the kids would say we were dating, I'm cheating on Kim Yuna, tease us and my cool mentor teacher says “ SHOW RESPECT” and they shut up. HAHAHAH.

           When I would be standing in line, it's living hell yet it's cute. At least 40 kids touched me during the 30 mins that I sat and tried to eat. And then there's the annoying teachers asking me stupid questions like “how do you say 'gamja tang' in engrish?”. After I ate, I sneaked out to one of my secret spots to burn a cancer stick.

           Full on kids attack happens after lunch. There are the active kids who play outside, playing soccer or punch one another. But there are kids who are talkative and wants to bother me. First it's the attack of the kindergarteners, they follow me from the cafeteria to my class room, which is about 80 yards away. They hang on to me, punch my nuts, ddong jjip, laugh at me, all kind of evil actions. Then it's the attack of the 1^st and 2^nd, they are LOUD. 2^nd grade girls just come into my room, yell until their lungs go out, and they leave. Wtf..... After that, 3^rd and 4^th comes in, ask me to turn on Korean music but instead I put on raw hip hop, and they draw on my board. 4^th grade girls usually cleaned my room because I told them they'll play games if they do. And finally the bitchy 6^th grade girls and my homies the 6^th graders. If I think about it, I think I only changed the 6^th grade boys lives. Their home room teachers were pretty much geeks and losers. They couldn't control these kids and so they yelled at them everyday, which led to students completely ignoring authority. So their guy, the cool teacher who understands rebellion, but I taught them that's not cool. Man I miss them kids.

           I hardly ever prepared for any of the lesson plans, I probably took 10 mins to come up with an idea to kill 1 hour a day for these little bastards. I mean I understand the importance of learning English but I mean come on, they're not even 10 yet, they're not gonna remember this, they'll forget in a week at max. So I just played with them, let them be the kids that they're suppose to be.

           After all this, I waited 30mins for my mentor teachers to take me home. So I went to one of my favorite spots of the whole school, the root top, to burn another cancer stick. I think I had the best cigarette there. I thought about life, all that good stuff, while intoxicating myself with 40 different carcinogen and tar. Remainder of the time, I was on Facebook. I became addicted. I would go on that stupid website, everyday, clicking profile and profile, see who has new status, comment on people's walls saying stupid crap, and of course, stalking people left and right.

           At 5pm, I went out to the parking lot to go home. The car ride from the school to my house was special. There was 3 teacher's, kindergarten teacher, cafeteria teacher, and my mentor teacher, and a special little boy who is the kindergarten teacher's son. I usually slept, but the times that I didn't fall asleep, we would talk. We talked about all kinds of stuff. I can't recall any of those topics but it was usually an enjoyable conversations. I would also test my special little boy because he was a genius. I taught him one color and he would know the whole rainbow. Instead of playing video games, he researched about English, Chinese character, and train stations. I don't know what it was that fascinated him so much about train stations but every time he saw a train or train stations, he would trip out.

           Many times my mentor teachers took me to dinner. The best foods I had in Korea was with them. They took me to these OG spots where they grow up and it was dddddaaannnkkkk. I can clearly remember giving my cafeteria teacher a bruise because I was insisting that she pay so I was holding her wrist too hard. This nyeng myun place was so good, I think I went there at least 20 times. Then they dropped me off at a spot, took a 15 min bus ride to my house, then I sat there, had a smoke, and took a nap.

Around 8 pm, I started cooking my dinner that I had for 3 months. Grilled chicken breast, sweet potatoes, 2 eggs, and a banana. I only did this when I was alone. When Joe came over, every single week except couple weeks, we feasted. After I ate, I sat there, stirring into my television, checking things on Facebook. Around 9 pm, I went out with my bike and my basketball gear. I biked around the city for an hour and a half. I was lucky enough to be living in a city and literally 10 min walk away from the world cup stadium and also a huge park. During the summer it was pretty cool because I can see people just drinking at the park, having fun, letting the kids play. Anyways, after the bike ride, I went to the basketball courts. They were always filled with Korea league players, some where good, some decent. Some how I found a man who's from Sac town, who's been living in gwangju for 4 years, that I could actually be friends with. I remember having our last beers together, I told him I'll bring some seeds if I go.

           Then I came home, showered, eat a banana, have a smoke, and just did nothing until 1am til I fell a sleep. I was pretty lonely at home but eh, now that I look back, it was fun. I went out for midnight snacks to my neighbor's, gs25, got warm soy milk, yogurt for the morning, and banana milk.

           Yep, this was pretty much my life in Korea. I might have wanted to come back here to the states, but now that I think about it, it was a good experience. I gained lot of traits living in Korea which I will not be boasting about. I honestly want to go back. Actually let me rephrase that. I honestly want to go to any other country besides US and live there for 6 months. I think traveling is that much fun. I been stuck in this little puddle with these tiny fishes but I want to swim with the big bois! So all you readers, go to the ocean and swim with the sharks!

College Apps

Four years ago, I can still remember trying to apply to all these schools that I’ll be applying this year. I had standard grades which only permitted me to apply but didn’t make me standout as an outstanding student. My SAT scores were like a grandpa with a cane trying to play basketball with Lebron James, I got shitted on. I remember people asking each other which college they got into. “OHHH MY GAWD~ I got into UCLA!!!” or “yea.. I got into SD but I’m waiting on Berkeley.” Well someone asked me that question, and I just quietly whispered, “I think I'm just gonna go to community college.” Back then I felt like an idiot, failure, a pathetic loser. People were celebrating, meeting new people, talking about how cool their dorms are, how they have so much freedom to party, blah blah blah. I did get a bit jealous of their new life, new surroundings, and new environment as a university student but I still did my part as a college student as well. In fact, I have no regrets regarding the 3 years I have “wasted” to transfer to a university. In those 3 years, I believe it shaped me into a man that I am now. I'll break it down by each year of what I have learned and what I have experienced.

To describe 1^st year of college in one word, I would use the word “new”. Everything was new, the school, the students, the people, the environment, the professors, time schedule, and more. El Camino was something new. The classes were fairly easy but since it was a new method of learning, I worked hard the first year. I had mostly A's and couple B's, I had it handled. The jealousy of going to a university was my only inspiration, nothing more. I also joined the El Camino volleyball team. I was the only Asian on the team, the underdog, but as I trained harder and harder, I improved significantly. Outside of school, I visited other cities and universities. I went to UCLA a lot because Vivian always swiped us free food(thanks buddy, I know your reading this and I gotta say I have a fond memories of that year). I visited UCR regularly because all my friends who partied and got effed up were there. I did my fair share of drinking and smoking. This was my way of rebellion against my strict parents. I also got into a lot of trouble. My parents were already disappointed at the fact that I wasn’t going to a university just like the rest of their friend's kids. My rebellion grew this year, massively. So I started smoking, massively. I can't really remember much of what happened in 2007-2008 because well, I inhaled THC and was under the influence pretty much every chance I had. I also started working at an Asian advertising company called AAAZA. 30 bucks an hour sound good? Yep. That's how I was financed to do whatever I wanted this year. I also got a job at Warren High as a JV girl's volleyball team. I also got fired because of my myspace, well actually, it was because of a girl and her bitchy mom who wanted vengeance against me because I put her in freshmen team and told her she wasn't good enough for JV. I didn't care, I had a good experience being around these cute innocent girls, calling me Benny, teaching them how to grunt and hit the ball. I learned one thing, erase myspace.

When 2^nd year came around, I thought I had everything down. I really didn't give a damn about what I was doing, I just went with the flow. Most of my grades were now B's and couple A's. I ditched classes just because I knew how to cheat the system and to succeed with the least amount of work contributed. I found my only friend at El Camino! He was half white, half Japanese, gnarly bro, obsessed with girls, smoked heroin at the time, but his life wasn't revolved around heroin. One day he comes in to the classroom with a wrist brace, full on winter coat during middle of May, and his face looked pale, as if he saw the holocaust when it was happening. Being the good friend I am, I asked what happened and he told me he can no longer move his left arm. The story is, he smoked heroin, fell asleep on his arms, and now he couldn't use it. The doctors told him that it was called “honeymoon” syndrome. They call it this because when a male sticks his arm out for the girl to use as a pillow, it creates major case of dead arm, which stops the blood flow and disables the arm to function for couple weeks. Well my friend freaked out, went to the rehab, and now he's clean as ever and his arm is completely fine now. He also got me a job at the coffee bean. I also got fired from this job. The manager told me I was not suitable for customer service jobs. Ha! Well I'm laughing now because I'm probably making double the amount of whatever that dike is making now. I learned few things about life, not to do any other drugs besides weed for the rest of my life. I'm still doing good and I have no doubt that I will keep this promise until the day I die. I also broke my ankle playing basketball(I blame J Cottle). I couldn't walk for couple weeks, I was out from the volleyball team, and I couldn't get any exercises done. So that year, I went all the way up to 220lbs. Also, I was still smoking the ganjah which only helped the obesity by munching on 3 coke cans and a brownie each day. Let's just say on the physical looks, this year was the worst year I had. I also got a “warning DUI” which was pretty much a joke in regards to my record, but was a pretty serious deal to my parents. I wasn't arrested, no record, just a warning, but my parents thought I was going to jail, get my license suspended and pretty much thought my life was over. Another mistake I made, driving drunk with a drunk idiot friend who helped me get pulled over and of course my other drunken idiot friends who laughed out loud inside my car as I'm sitting on the curve, waiting to blow into the breathalyzer of doom. By the end of the year, I thought about my life a lot. I wanted something new, something better than what I had. I was tired of the same routine I was going through. I had stronger relationships with the people I wanted to be with, and weaker relationships with people I no longer considered as “friends”. This was pretty critical point of my life, I started seeing things differently, questioned everything but no answer for anything. Confusion.

Ahhhh my favorite year. My 3^rd year was probably the most fun I had. I only had 1 semester left of school. Little did I know, that sentence was going to come back and bite me in the ass. Let's just say I “thought” I only had one semester left. So I didn't try hard during school. I got an A, B, and 2 C's. Ouch. But I really didn’t care, only thing that was running in my mind was Korea. Yes, I asked the devil himself to come along, and he did. Around this time, my parents were starting to understand what I was doing with my life, as well as I understood what they wanted me to do with my life. Listen up, your parents don't care if you become a millionaire, the most important thing is that you become a decent human being, which is the reason why my parents are so strict, I think. They also know you're capable of doing greater things than what we do now, might be because of the regrets that they feel when they reminisce about their lives. Oh and trust me, this is never ending. I know I'm going to stress the hell out of my kids to be better than Kobe. Anyways, my parents were proud of me to be traveling and also building experiences for the future. I like to compare my whole “Korea” business to Korean young adults getting drafted to the army. Korean dads always talk about how they became a man after the army and I would like to say the same for my Korea experience. I have lost about 20lbs, I was in the best shape of my life, had fun, met crap load of people(both nice and douches), and I even had a girlfriend who called me 30 times one day because I wasn't picking up my phone. Through these experiences, I know for a fact that I feel like a new man. I have matured, encountered many different people from different part of the world, experienced many new things and many other reasons why I have matured. I have learned a lot. I won't get too much into Korea but it was good experience. My view on things were much more complex. It was no longer “eh, I don’t give a damn” but more on “how can I do better?”. The way of thinking was changed. As much as I hate boasting about myself, I built up confidence in Korea, realizing I am far greater than 90% of these douche bags who were accepted to this program. One of the things I remember that came out of my ex-girlfriend's mouth was “omg, you looked so hot compare to these guys”, pointing at the other TaLK scholars. I mean she might be crazy but even I thought it was pretty pathetic to see these guys trying to pick up girls...

Now, it's the end of 2010 and I am sitting here at the office, trying to convince you how my last 3 years were not a “waste of time”. Because really, I don't think for a second that I wasted my last 3 years. If anything, I would like to say I learned much more in the past 3 years doing whatever I was doing than if I were to be at a university for 5 years. I was young and I still am, and I don't see the point of suffering in classes of 300 students, trying to listen to one professor who's trying to explain something that is going to be completely useless after couple weeks. Universities will always be there, but youth will fade away. I have no regrets regarding my behavior during the last 3 years of my life and I wish to be saying the same thing 3 years later from now.

From a full grown man with a heart of a kid,

toodles.

My mother's birthday

Tomorrow is my mom's 53^rd birthday and I am going to tell you what happened 10 years ago on her 43^rd birthday.

About 10 years ago, my family and I immigrated to San Diego from small village in Korea. We settled under my aunt's place for couple months until my mom found a job in K-town in L.A as an editor for Korean newspaper. At first, my mom and I moved to Downey on Florence Ave and Old River School Rd by ourselves, leaving my dad and my brother in San Diego. I had no friends, nothing to do, and of course, could not speak a word of English other than “Hello, my name is Ben”, “How are you? Fine thank you and you?”, numbers 1- 20, and the alphabet but saying Z as in “jet tuh”. So I gotta say, I had an extreme case of culture shock. Since I had so much free time, I decided to explore and get an idea of what is around my house. I got on my bike and starting cruising east bound on Florence ave. I found couple things that we see still on Florence ave. There was the Mexican market(Amapola), Cosmic Bowling ( had no idea back then), Tacos Mexico (it used to be 25cents per tacos), and Sav-ons. I can't recall if I bought anything, but I did get an idea of my surroundings. Of course I felt like a complete stranger at home as well as just in city of Downey. I never knew anything about Mexicans, didn’t know what Spanish was, or seen so many damn cars. Well I should have realized back then that I was going to call this place home in the future.

On Nov. 16^th, 2000, my mom's 43^rd birthday, I decided to make this a very special occasion. I remember I wanted to give her the best birthday ever because well, there were couple reasons. First, our family recently moved to a new country, even though it was mainly I who was crying every single day because I was frustrated at the fact that I could not communicate with other kids at school. But I was sure at the time that everyone in our family was struggling to adjust to this new life. Secondly, my dad and my brother were in San Diego and could not be there to do anything for her birthday. So it was pretty much my responsibility to do something special for her. Picture this, 12 year old Korean kid, who is from a small tiny village in Korea, who can't speak/read/write English, all alone at home, 10 bucks in his possession, trying to throw a special birthday party for his mother. I have to admit, this kid had a pure heart, I mean just the thought of it was heart warming, wouldn't you agree?

So now we move on to the planning. I had limited resources that I could use so I did my best to use it wisely. The set up was simple, put the kitchen table in the middle of the living room. For entrees, I had Mi Yuk Gook (Korean birthday soup), Job Chae(Korean noodles), Korean pancakes (Boo Chin Gae) that my mom had cook the night before and the start of what we now call the “Cheese Egg” where I put crap load of cheese on top of the eggs. Now, it would not be a birthday unless there's a birthday cake and a present. So I casually went to Amapola, not knowing a word in English or Spanish, just to look for any bakery goods I can use to represent as a birthday cake. With the 10 dollars I had, I was only able to purchase 1 slice of cake. After purchasing that, I was left with 6 dollars to buy my mom a present. I headed towards Sav-ons, only to find myself eating 2 tacos that I have ordered from Tacos Mexico. Right now I'm trying to think how the hell I ordered 2 tacos, I probably just pointed at the sign, saying I want 2 of those. Back to my route to Sav-ons, when I got there I was able to find a birthday card for 3 dollars and 2 candles for dollar each. So I came home, made the entrees, wrote something pretty sweet on the card, and called to confirmed that my mom was 5 minutes away. So I lit the candles that I bought, held the slice of cake, and as she opened the door, I sang her a happy birthday song to her. She was shocked, she smiled, and after she blew out the candles, she started crying.

This has been the most memorable birthday I gave to my mom. The thing is, this is nothing compare to the things that she did for me. For all my brother's birthdays, I got a present also. I never understood why she bought me a present also but I always got it something for my brother's birthday. She threw me a birthday party every year until I was 13. And now she gives me cash for every birthday, and I gotta say that's the best present gift ever. This year, I'm planning on getting her the shoes that I wanted for the past month but I'm going to give her the priority of rocking them first because she truly deserves it. It's her birthday tomorrow and I just wanted to bring up the past for a quick second. 

Toodles.

Viviano and Lorabora: if you read this, don’t you dare to think for a second that I'm still this good kid because I'm a bad boy now. nah ppun nam jahs will soon rise again.